And then there were 5!

As we approach Angelie Ines’s 1st Birthday, and I realize after neglecting this blog for many years, that I am sad to realize I haven’t recorded the experience of welcoming our sweet 3rd girl into the world. The past year has both lulled along peacefully and absolutely disappeared simultaneously.

Looking back on my pregnancy, as “hard” on my body as pregnancies tend to be, I only recall the positives. Funny how biology works that way.

The day-of started as any other. Unlike my first delivery (40 hours of labour, unplanned c-section) and my second (scheduled at the crack of dawn, traumatic loss of blood), this day started like any other. We woke up, I had a shower (had to abstain from food and beverages which is always the hardest part of surgery for me!), and dropped our two big girls off at school. It was a chilly fall morning and the girls were buzzing with excitement.

This time around, for hte first time, we did find out the gender in advance. This meant a few things, not least of which that she did indeed have a name before she entered the world. I had always loved the names Angelina and Angeline, but with a “Louella” and a “Sabine” already I didn’t want a similar ending to their names (truly I am neurotic with naming my kids). One summer night, I was sitting with two of their “aunties” (aka my best friends) when it just hit me with like a ton of bricks. Angelie. I texted Jakob (who was away camping & dirt biking) and he texted back immediately “I love it”. And that was that, Angelie was our daughter. Ines was a name that we had both said on one of our first dates as our “future kids” and we thought paired beautifully with Angelie.

Anyway, back to the day of arrival. We checked into our lovely hospital (I would often accidentally call it the Hotel - as it felt that comfortable) and waited. And waited. I sat nervously in my hospital gown (the confidence I’d had going into my 2nd surgery had long since dissipated after a less-than-ideal OR experience) as we were bumped for emergency surgery after emergency surgery. I had locked my phone up in the closet to stay as present as possible, talking to Jakob and trying to appreciate the last few moments together. Finally we were brought to the surgery waiting room. But again, a longer wait was ahead us. It didn’t help my nerves to see people being wheeled around, privacy stripped of us all in our hospital gowns with bare feet poking out of our blankets. I did count my stars that I was there for such a joyous and exciting result, in a very different phase of life than everyone we saw also in the hospital’s care.

Eventually we finally made our way to our OR. The vibe felt slightly tense, as I could sense one of hte newer employees was on the nerve of the nurses’. She was there to hold me, guide me, make me feel comfortable. I will give her htat, she did try. The nurses and anesthesiologist corrected her on a few things, and not always in the gentlest manner. I fought the urge to encourage her and make her feel more at ease… which I laugh at now.

As I laid, feeling the numbing quickly take over most of my body, arms out stretched, I do what many of us do when we are about to do something we fear, something that is painful or embarrassing or brings back a traumatic memory, I looked straight up at the blank white ceiling and I tried to think about anything but this. Of course, I drew a blank.

In that moment, my chatterbox husband did what he does best, and started distracting me with questions. I felt the smile immediately cross my face as he asked “If we take our next family vacation in Europe, where are we going?”. I sort of rolled my eyes, laughed at him, and went back to blank space. He asked again, and I decided to go in. I started talking about plans, what time of year we would go and where. How we would take the girls to the Christmas markets near his family home in Germany and then head to France or Austria so he could take them skiing (I would, naturally, be fireside waiting for them with a warming drink). Of course, the next time we would go would be in the summer heat and that would require the Amalfi Coast, a part of Italy neither one of us had had the chance to visit yet. It would be turquoise waters, rock faces, fresh hand made pasta, olives and lemons and it would be some of our best family memories.

The “interview” continued. All the while I knew it was calming him as much as it was calming me. I gave into the fact that all of this was beyond my control and that all the trust in my whole world was in this team’s hands. Before long, out popped our perfect Angelie with a full, thick head of black hair. I could feel the surgeon very quickly get to work to sew me up. I found out after that I’d started massively bleeding in the same manner I had done with Sabine. What helped this time was a week of daily iron infusions to prepare me for just this moment.

As the nurse carried her across the room to be weighed and measured, Jakob and I were gobsmacked. She was big and healthy and pink with the most glorious head of hair and a healthy cry - and a “cry face” that perfectly mimicked her oldest sister’s. I couldn't believe it. She was glorious. I was relieved.

Once we had settled into our room, a nurse was in checking up on us. She helped pass the baby to me. As she was asking some questions of me, I just 2nd nature put her on my breast and she immediately latched. I didn’t even realize what I had done. It had been 4 years since I breastfed but it was just a natural instinct. The nurse laughed and said “I guess this isn’t your first time” and gestured to us. I hadn’t even realized I’d done it.

We would spend the next 3 nights cozied up in our ‘hospital room’, but I won’t mince words, the days and nights were long. I slept very little. I remember on the first night, both baby and dad were fast asleep softly breathing, and I was sitting up in my bed absolutely stunned until 3am. For absolutely no reason. The baby didn’t wake. I just stared at her and then the clock. Taking it all in. I was so proud, so relieved. But I was also in so much pain. I remember there was a huge amount of deliveries that day and previous. The nurses were very clearly short staffed. I was hardly attended to - but being my 3rd I was alright (other than the pain). The surgical pain started increasing as time went on. The uterus contractions were swift and severe. One of the worst parts that I recall was the needle every 12 hours into my stomach. With very little softness, my stomach was pinched and pulled away from me and I was quite literally “stabbed” with a needle. I still dont’ remember every having this with he other 2, but I received this needle everyday at 7am and again 7pm. I dreaded it, and watched the clock in fear in the hour leading up to each one. It was pain compounding pain. Something to do with preventing clots so… I was “happy” to get them.

It was a few days of extremes, more pain and less help than the previous 2, but the joy I felt with every visit of the family, watching the big sisters light up when they saw her and us, and all the peace around me in the perfect love I felt immediately for Angelie.

November has become one of my most favourite months.