Clarity in my 30's
In my 31st trip around the sun (hi, sorry, terrible at science, is 1 year 1 trip around the sun?), I have come to discover a new power in not seating the ‘small stuff’. Even things that are, well, not that ‘small’ (say, a mistake at work, a friend hurting your feelings, a stranger making an offensive comment), being able to just, let it go (ugh, that stupid-great song). I used to over analyze and stress out about things for days and weeks on end. Knots in my stomach, flashes of anger, struggles with disappointments. Whether someone, or something, had disappointed me, or the inverse. I would become tortured by the thoughts. Reliving the conversation, dwelling on the situation, simmering in the negative emotions around the person, place or thing. It’s only now, at 31, that I’m able to, quite literally, breathe out the bad feelings. Building a bridge, and getting the f*ck over it.
Maybe as time has gone on, I’ve gained perspective on the passage of time itself. How one thing that could make me absolutely irate on a warm day in June 2017, would be a very distant, foggy memory just a couple of months later.
Part of it could be the introduction of yoga into our nightly routine. I was an on/off yoga student for my 20s. Now that I was feeling aches and pains in my joints and was faced with teh glaring reality that age was setting in, I made the choice to be proactive. A car accident and 2 pregnancies and deliveries later, and I need to treat this creaky aging body with a little more kindness.
In that, our helpful Youtube Yoga instructor has often encouraged us to ‘breathe’ the negative out. Clearing ones mind at any given moment of the day is hard enough. But being told to clear out those dark thoughts that had been swimming in and around your mind all day or all week… well it just brings you right back into those thoughts. “oh, I was trying not to think of that.” “Now I can’t stop thinking about that~~~~”. “Breathe in. Breathe out.” and then… blank!
Strangely, just the act of this practice nightly has actually carried over into my day-to-day life. When someone upsets me, when something doesn’t go my way, when I embarrass myself (who me? never!), I can just… breathe it out and get the f*ck over it. Maybe I just don’t have room in my head for extra nothing these days, but whatever it is, I have found a lot of peace in it.